DecemberJust for Today

December 2 – Recovery: our first priority

“We have to keep our recovery first and our priorities in order.”

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text page 82

Before coming to NA, we used many excuses to justify our use of drugs: “He yelled at me.” “She said this.” “My partner left.” “I got fired.” We used these same excuses for not seeking help for our drug problem. We had to realize that these things kept happening because we kept using drugs. Only when we made recovery our first priority did these situations begin to change.

We may be subject to the same tendency today, using excuses for not attending meetings and being of service. Our current excuses may be of a different nature: “I can’t leave my kids.” “My vacation wore me out.” “I have to finish this project so I can impress my boss.” But still, if we don’t make recovery our first priority, chances are that we won’t have to worry about these excuses anymore. Kids, vacations, and jobs probably won’t be in our lives if we relapse.

Our recovery must come first. Job or no job, relationship or no relationship, we have to attend meetings, work the steps, call our sponsor, and be of service to God and others. These simple actions are what make it possible for us to have vacations, families, and bosses to worry about. Recovery is the foundation of our lives, making everything else possible.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks to recovery seems to be placing unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others. Relationships can be terribly painful area. We tend to fantasize and project what will happen. We get angry and resentful if our fantasies are not fulfilled. We forget that we are powerless over other people. The old thoughts and feelings of loneliness, despair, helplessness and self-pity creep in. Thoughts of sponsors, meetings, literature and all other positive input leave our consciousness. We have to keep our recovery first and our priorities in order.”

Narcotics Anonymous Basic Text page 82

Just for today:  I will keep my priorities in order.  Number One on the list is my recovery.

My own experience with the disease of addiction tells me that if I am not actively working on my recovery I am actively working towards my next use. My dark passenger wants me dead and if I want to survive and thrive in my recovery I have to keep doing the actions that got me clean and keep being of service so that I remain connected with people who love me and can give me the truth (no matter how ugly) and support I need to keep myself clean.

I have lied to myself so many times, scoring and using drugs and telling myself I am still clean. I have lied to myself as I am knocking on the door telling myself I wont score and every time it leads me to a dark place where I am alone, hating on myself and waiting to die. Even with that experience I will repeat that cycle over and over thinking I am OK and I wont see the relapse happening. I need to remain ultra vigilant about my recovery to stay clean and use all the tools I have learned to keep my freedom.

Had a feeling?

In Love
Not Sure
Paul T
Learning to live life again and recovering from addiction

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