online recovery

I remember sitting in Cairo, Egypt searching for online recovery. It was probably the middle of 2003, I was working pretty big hours struggling again and far from home. I did manage to find several English language chat sites where one could create an “avatar” register a nick name and start calling out to other users in the hope of finding real connection powerful enough to fight this bastard of a disease. I think I made it through several hours with some powder and a bottle of spirits next to me… didn’t really find what I was expecting.

Scroll forward to mid 2014, I am in perhaps the worst shape I have ever been in, a full time psychosis, an ice addiction, terrible health… really truly on deaths door with severe lung issues, cardio myopathy, vasculitis as well as my addiction. I don’t leave the house anymore I simply use ice, work as much as I can (probably somewhere between 7-11 days) before I binge out on sleepers and anti anxiety medication and take 3 or 4 days downtime.

I have been put on blood thinners because of the clots on my lungs and in my psychosis I have started inventing numbers and multiplying them with strange formulas I have found on the net using excel and then determining how many thinners to take… My INR should have been kept at a therapeutic value of 1.5 to 2.5 times thinner than my normal blood, however with my strange equations I am getting into some dangerous territory. I get through a few days then go to get up and realised I have bled through my skin, through a pair of track pants and am now stuck to where I am sitting… I manage to get to the toilet to urinate with dark red fluid… I drink a glass of water and feel and taste the smell of copper in the blood its coming from within me…

My pillows are caked with dried blood and there are days all I can see is a blur as there seems to be too much blood coming from my body… It was during this time I found online meetings. Aside from there only being one NA meeting near me per week, I just was not mentally stable or physically well enough to be chasing the face to face meetings.

I got to NA at home, (at that time on Skype) and remember Nick and Jay spending time before and after the meetings encouraging me, and I would get hope. I was still using, I could not really get many days clean at all.

Eventually sometime in May 2015, my behaviour deteriorated and i found myself homeless and away from those I loved, perhaps for the first time in years I was completely by myself. I spent some time with Jonny K from Adelaide and with the support of face to face meetings and the online NA at Home meetings, I managed to get 5 months and 3 weeks of unbroken clean time. NA at Home really saved my life and kept me from hurting myself or hurting someone else in my early recovery.

I also used NA recovery speakers to help me stay clean and fill in the hours between meetings… I will put together a playlist of my favourite recovery shares soon, but first check our Brownie on YouTube.